


The Dark Side of the Glass

by Jaye_Voy



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Adult Content, Explicit Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 07:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6507622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaye_Voy/pseuds/Jaye_Voy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Voyager's First Officer and Equinox's Captain have a conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dark Side of the Glass

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the middle of the "Equinox" episode of Voyager. I don't know how many folks came over from the Equinox, so I'm guessing a dozen.  
> Originally written in 2005. Although there are some tweaks, the story's contents (and its flaws) are mostly intact.  
> Star Trek and all related characters and concepts are the property of Paramount. No infringement is intended or profit made. This is PG-13 for strong language and adult themes.

Captain Rudy Ransom stalked down Voyager's corridors. Voyager's pristine corridors.

He wanted to spit on the unsullied carpet. To make some stain, to mar the perfection of this ship. So different from the Equinox.

Thoughts of his battered and broken vessel thinned his mouth and narrowed his eyes. After so many years of barely managing to survive, Ransom found Voyager too cool and remote; smug and superior. Much like Queen Kate Janeway.

He'd known that the oh-so-proper Janeway would never be able to accept---to *comprehend*---his crew's desperate struggles. The disdainful curl of her lip at the mere suggestion of breaking the Prime Directive had told him that sure enough.

And now the self-righteous bitch was going to steal his ship, dismantle it right under his nose. Force him to abandon the symbol of all he'd sacrificed in the Delta Quadrant.

Well, he'd show her. All he had to do was sit tight until his crew finished arrangements to steal the special shield generator in Voyager's engine room. Once he had that, the aliens that had preyed upon the Equinox for weeks would be off his back---and on Janeway's.

He wished he'd get to see her face when the Equinox sailed away and left Voyager's crew defenseless. Then they'd find out how tough things could get.

Just imagining it would have to be payback enough. Although what he'd really like to do was wring her scrawny neck---

"Captain Ransom."

He turned to see architect of his destruction approaching: Chakotay, Janeway's right-hand man. The one who'd suggested ditching the Equinox because it was impossible to keep both ships safe from the aliens' attacks. He stiffened, determined to show nothing but polite inquiry. "Yes?"

"I know we're pressed for time here, but I wondered if I could have a few moments." The other man's lips quirked wryly. "I thought I'd get a drink, and frankly, you look like you could use one yourself."

Ransom paused a moment, considering, then shrugged and acquiesced with a nod. It wouldn't do any harm to play along.

Besides, Voyager's XO was easy on the eyes, and Ransom had had few enough stimulating sights in the Delta.

As Chakotay turned around to lead the way, Ransom's eyes shifted lower as he continued enjoying the landscape.

***************

Ransom let his gaze drift over Chakotay's cabin as he settled on the couch underneath the viewports. The standard Starfleet gray was broken up by homey touches: chairs covered in a geometric print, carvings and holopics scattered on the shelves, tapestries on the walls.

The impression of warmth and welcome made Ransom uneasy. On second thought, this was more personal than he'd intended getting. He fidgeted on the cushion as Chakotay handed him a glass of synthale and took a seat.

"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry," Chakotay said.

Ransom's eyes widened, but he said nothing. He could read the discomfort in the other man's expression, and wondered if his own surprise was as obvious.

He hadn't expected an apology. Janeway had certainly made no move to offer one.

Chakotay lifted a hand, palm up. "I can't see any way of preserving both ships, and having your crew move to Voyager is our only real option." 

He sighed. "I doubt it's any consolation, but I do understand what it means to sacrifice your vessel, to give up command. I was in almost the exact situation five years ago."

*That* was news. Ransom swallowed a mouthful of ale and leaned forward, interested in spite of himself. "What do you mean?"

Chakotay glanced away, looking into the past. "Janeway was in the Badlands hunting my Maquis raider when Voyager was pulled into the Delta Quadrant. We forged a temporary alliance to find some missing crewmembers. At one point the Kazon thought it would be fun to use both ships for target practice."

He glanced back at Ransom and continued, "Voyager was taking a heavy pounding from a dreadnaught---until I decided to go kamikaze."

"Huh." Ransom slumped against the cushions, stunned. "You're Maquis?"

Chakotay man nodded. "Yes. Along with almost a third of the crew."

"Hmph." Ransom took another swig of ale, the mellow flavor not enough to dispel the bitterness of his tone. "You wouldn't know it to look at you. All perfect little Fleeters, lock-stepping after Dame Kate."

The dark eyes sharpened. Ransom endured the probing gaze, wondering how deep the parallels ran between him and what he *thought* was another of Janeway's cookie-cutter officers. He wondered what this Maquis captain had gone through. What choices he'd made. What circumstance had forced him to do.

Finally Chakotay answered, "It's true, these days they're more Janeway's than mine." 

He shrugged. "They had to be. It was the only way to keep them safe. I had to be sure she'd fight for them if and when we ever made it home."

"And by the same token, does that make you more hers than your own?" Ransom hadn't meant to ask the question. He'd heard rumors, that Voyager's Captain and Commander were a pair of star-crossed lovers, kept apart by regulations and protocol. Desperately waiting for the end of the journey to fall into each other's arms. He hadn't cared at first, but now, he didn't want to believe it. He was starting to feel a connection with this man, a chord striking in his lonely, murky soul.

It was a sentiment he simply couldn't afford. But he silently waited for an answer, needing to know, watching the expressions ghosting over Chakotay's face.

"Maybe, once upon a time." Some memory softened Chakotay's features into wistfulness. "But that was years ago. A lifetime ago." 

His tone shaded with regret. "We were different people---well, *she* was certainly different." 

Dark eyes flicked to Ransom's as Chakotay's grin turned rueful. "Or maybe I was just better at deluding myself back then."

"And now...?" Ransom silently berated himself for his interest, but it was somehow comforting to know that at least one person on Voyager might have given him a chance to explain. Might even have understood.

Not that he would ever risk spilling the secret that had cost him everything.

"Now I'm just a friend, and a First Officer who is pleasantly surprised to actually have his ideas listened to---every once in a while." The dark eyes met his own. "At least, until the transition to the Janeway-Ransom command team."

"What?" Ransom hadn't actually considered his role among Voyager's crew. He'd spent most of his time plotting to betray them.

"There's precedent in having the Captain of the merged vessel become First Officer. And since mine is a field commission, you obviously outrank me." Chakotay waved his hand to indicate the cabin. "Someday, all this will be yours---someday soon, I expect."

Ransom grunted. "I doubt Janeway will be too pleased at the idea of me serving as her second."

"It doesn't matter what she wants. The regs put you in the First Officer's chair." Chakotay's tone was as serious as his expression. "And since protocol is forcing you to give up your own ship, it isn't fair to ignore it once you're part of Voyager's chain of command."

"So what happens to you?" Ransom asked.

"I'll find some way of keeping busy." Chakotay paused a moment. "Considering we'll be integrating more than a dozen traumatized crewmembers, I'll probably become a counselor full-time."

He leaned forward. "One thing I forgot to mention earlier: I noticed a lot of symptoms of post-traumatic stress among your folks, not surprisingly. It occurred to me that you and your crew haven't had much chance to rest, wondering all the time when you'd be attacked. I was thinking when the new shields are up, I'd like to make arrangements for a companion for each of you for a while...someone to watch over you while you sleep, so you *can* sleep. Knowing you're safe."

Ransom had to look away. In that moment, he could so easily imagine himself here. In the warmth and the welcome.

With Chakotay.

He set aside his glass and rose, suddenly desperate to leave before he changed his mind and cast his lot with the Voyager crew.

He had come too far, suffered too much, to throw it all away for...for some spark of fellow-feeling.

But oh, what might have been.

"You're a good man, Chakotay. Thank you for thinking of us." Ransom hurried to the door, sensed Chakotay following. Right before Ransom would have triggered the door mechanism, he turned and blurted, "I'm sorry."

Chakotay's brows drew together in puzzlement, but he said reassuringly, "Don't be. My job isn't the be-all and end-all of my existence." 

He smiled and shrugged. "I'll survive."

Even before his brain registered the motion, Ransom was reaching for Chakotay. His hands framed the other man's face, fingertips tracing the high cheekbones. Drawing Chakotay in for a kiss, meeting no resistance.

It was warmth and welcome and what might have been. Bittersweet.

It should have tasted of Chakotay's hope, but all he could sense was his own regret. He pulled back, stared into soft dark eyes. "I certainly hope so, Chakotay."

He turned and ran.

************************************************************

Chakotay stood in his cabin, staring out the viewport.

Or maybe just staring at his own reflection in it.

Numb.

He couldn't decide whose betrayal hurt worse: Ransom's, or Kathryn's.

It seemed it was his destiny to be played for a fool.

He'd been convinced there'd been...something between Ransom and him, a sense of connection that went deeper than camaraderie. He'd thought their shared experiences---and their shared embrace---were hints of the future. A kind of hope, of promise.

Instead it was probably just some diversionary tactic on Ransom's part, to throw off any suspicion of his nefarious plans.

And Kathryn...what had become of her? She'd been vindictive, vengeful, spiteful, unyielding in her determination to bring Ransom down.

He still couldn't believe how close she'd come to killing Noah Lessing. And how easily she dismissed Chakotay's concerns about her actions.

As easily as she'd dismissed *him*, relieving him of duty and confining him to quarters.

It was clear to him now he didn't know Kathryn at all anymore. Maybe he never did.

While he'd waited out the denouement, he'd idly wondered what would happen if an alien invaded his quarters while he couldn't escape.

He supposed at some point he'd be grateful that he didn't have to find out.

After some time Chakotay turned away from his reflection and his morbid thoughts to approach the large crate sitting on his table.

He'd been startled by the transport, arriving in the middle of the conflict between Equinox and Voyager.

A quick glance had confirmed it was a standard Starfleet stasis case. Inside, he'd found packets of seeds and containers of bulbs and cuttings, all neatly labeled and cataloged.

Roses. Daffodils. Green beans. Beets. An extensive collection of flowers, fruits, and vegetables from Earth.

A padd arrived with the case. Chakotay had switched it on, only to turn it off a few seconds later at the sound of Ransom's voice.

He hadn't been able to listen earlier. Wanting to preserve the numbness, the shocked indifference. Now, knowing that the man was dead, he felt compelled to bear witness to this last testament.

Taking a deep breath, Chakotay switched the padd on once more.

Sitting amidst the wreckage of the Equinox engine room, Ransom looked strangely at peace. "Chakotay," he said, "you'll never know how sorry I am. For all of it. But that doesn't matter now, does it? I won't be around to face the consequences. But my crew will."

Even on the small screen his expression was earnest, desperate. "I'm going to make Janeway promise to get them home, but I know she'll never accept them, not really. I'm entrusting my crew to you, Chakotay. Please, keep them safe. Help them however you can to get over the mess I made of their lives. Try to understand what it was like for us. That's what they need: For someone to understand."

Ransom quickly punched some instructions into a console. "I'm sending you a case of Earth seedlings, something I've always carried with me." He seemed to look straight at Chakotay. "A kind of promise to myself that wherever I ended up, I'd always have a piece of home with me. It's the only thing I have left, the only thing I managed to hold on to all these years. I couldn't trade them away---they were my hope that things would get better. That we'd recover to the point of creating a hydroponics bay on board."

He shrugged. "I know, Counselor, you probably think I was delusional. Maybe you're right. But I'm hoping that it was worth it. That you can use this gift somehow to help my crew make a home on Voyager."

Chakotay paused the recording, struggling to get his emotions under control. The numbness was fading, grief rising fast to take its place. After a moment he tapped the padd controls again.

"You're a good officer, Chakotay, and an honorable man." Ransom glanced down a moment, then back up with a sad smile. "I've spent the last few minutes thinking about the differences between you and *my* First Officer, Max Burke...and the differences between you and me."

He shook his head. "Who knows what would have happened if you'd been at my side in the Delta?" His expression softened. "More than anything, I wish we'd had the chance to find out."

Ransom seemed to drift away a moment, lost in his own thoughts. Chakotay could hear the whine of the aliens in the background. Then Ransom blinked and said, "But that was never in the cards. I can only ask again that you forgive me, and hope that someday you will. Good-bye, Chakotay."

Chakotay's eyes burned, but he didn't cry. He wouldn't.

It was long past the time for tears. For himself, for Ransom, even for Kathryn.

And for what might have been.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcomed with great joy and constructive criticism is a rare gift.


End file.
